Who Am I? Identity Counselling.
- Kirsten
- Sep 27, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 30, 2025
This post is for all of you who look in the mirror and ask the question - Who Am I? What am I doing? How did I get here? Where am I? When did this happen? and every other variation of the question we ask ourselves when we are feeling lost and not sure what is going to happen next.
When Life feels out of our control.
As a counsellor I hear these questions all the time, as a human and a woman I have asked them of myself often. As a child and into young adulthood I was asked them. What do you want from your life, What do you want to do after school, and of course as a young woman (Gen X) I was asked who I was going to marry and how many children I wanted. I found these questions exciting as they made me feel like I just got to consider what I wanted and then go about achieving it.
They gave me a sense of control and power over my life.
So imagine, (I am sure if you are here reading this - you don't have to imagine, you have lived and are living) "waking" up 10,15,20 years later and looking around and realising you got lost on the wrong pathway and each step you took, moved you further from where you were planning on going. If you are here reading this, I suspect that it wasn't a case of - Oh wow look at the option I hadn't thought of, this is fabulous, my life is even better than I imagined. It is more likely, all and more, of those questions above -
Who Am I?
What am I doing?
How did I get here?
Where am I?
When did this happen?
When I consider my readers and clients - Mostly women aged between 25-54, who are seeking counselling to get to know themselves, I have noticed is that when these life transitions or life events are being experienced and then grief and loss is added, these questions get REALLY LOUD and can also be fuelled by FEAR, that existential anxiety where we question our choices and cant work out the purpose or point of life, it gets so uncomfortable that we don't recognise ourselves or have the words to express what we are feeling. It is OVERWHELMING and feels like no one could understand what we are facing and that everyone around us has a life that is working so well.
Some examples of life transitions - starting a new job, losing your job, being coming a parent, children finishing school, children moving out - empty nesting, divorce, step-parenting, blending families, sexuality, gender identity, gender roles, breakdown of a friendship, moving house, finishing study, starting to study, new relationship, retiring, getting sick, becoming a carer. When you look at how many changes we go through in a lifetime it makes sense that if we don't stay connected to who we are, we can feel lost, we can make decisions that don't support us as positively as we had hoped. What we wanted at 16 isn't always what we want at 30, and when we are 30 we can't predict what we will want at 60.
Getting to know ourselves everyday is a real thing - we change, our environment changes. our situations change, our friends and family change or at least move in proximity to us. We grow and change each day. I thought I'd share some things I do to get to know myself over and over again.....
Journal - I love journalling. I have many journals. I find that if I set an intention at the start of each new journal I feel more connected to my journalling.
Coffee in bed - Every morning I have coffee in bed. 2 at least. It is my thinking time. My time for quiet. I don't connect in with anyone - other than my puppy Hugo, who sits on me every morning and I think he loves this quiet time as much as I do. I look out the window at the weather, I consider how I feel, does how I feel alter what I will do that day. Can I do more or less than I have planned.
Movement - I am grateful to be self-employed as I get to make sure I have time each day to attend the Gym. I attend a Sound Bath once a week, and workout 3-4 times a week. I also take Hugo on walks and luckily he loves a walk so we can go for hours.
Meditate - I have always meditated, as a child I had no idea what I was doing was meditation and I still find my self when I take the time to go within, I usually monitor the thoughts I have and explore why they came to me and what I should do with them.
New Experiences - How better to learn about yourself than put yourself in a space you have not to been and seeing if you like it? This includes doing new things on your own - you really learn a lot about yourself when you do things on your own. Like travel - as per the image above of me. Backpacking Europe this year.
Flexibility - I don't hold myself to promises I made to myself to tightly. I anticipate change and am happy to be flexible if it feels right. I can't be truely me if I am only doing what I wanted to do yesterday.
Connect to my feelings - As you read through all of the points above you may notice that I feel a lot. How I feel directs me often. It is how I notice if I am in the right place. Doing the right thing. Being the right for me right now.
What do you do to get to know yourself over and over? So you don't miss out on knowing yourself?
When you know yourself deeply life becomes easier to navigate. I believe this, and I have had many express feeling this - making decisions and trusting you have the capacity to support your choices reduces the stress of decision making.
If this post has spoken to you? Do you ask yourself - Who am I? Maybe you feel like I wrote it for you, please consider reaching out if you think counselling may be helpful for you to get to know yourself.
Look after you!
Kirsten
