Self Care - Why does it feel so hard? Therapeutic Counselling

Self-care is a concept that has gained significant attention and popularity in recent years, becoming a buzzword that we encounter regularly in various forms of media, wellness programs, and social discussions. However, this constant emphasis on self-care can sometimes feel overwhelming, adding yet another layer of pressure to our already packed schedules. It can feel like an obligation, a task that we must add to our never-ending to-do lists for each day, week, month, or even year. In my professional capacity, I frequently hear individuals express feelings of failure or disappointment when they feel that they have once again neglected the self-care practices they had committed to during our previous sessions.

This recurring theme highlights a crucial aspect of self-care: the struggle to prioritise it amidst the demands of daily life. Self-care is often presented in a rather narrow framework, primarily associated with indulgent activities such as taking a luxurious bath. This imagery typically involves creating an elaborate atmosphere complete with scented candles, soothing music, and a variety of essential oils, alongside a carefully curated selection of bath products. Additionally, it may include pampering oneself with manicures, enjoying an array of fancy teas, or even booking an entire day at a lavish spa.

What if I was to tell you that (I think )we have it all wrong?

While these activities can certainly contribute to a sense of relaxation and well-being, they can also set unrealistic expectations for what self-care should look like. In reality, self-care encompasses a much broader spectrum of activities and practices that cater to our physical, emotional, social, financial, spiritual and mental well-being. It is essential to recognise that self-care does not have to be synonymous with extravagant or time-consuming rituals. Instead, it can be as simple as taking a few moments to breathe deeply, going for a short walk in nature, enjoying a quiet cup of tea while reading a book, or even setting aside time to engage in a hobby that brings joy and fulfillment.

The key is to find what resonates with you personally and to incorporate those practices into your routine in a way that feels manageable and enjoyable. Self-care should not be viewed as a luxury or an indulgence reserved for special occasions; rather, it should be regarded as a practice that supports us in maintaining our overall health and well-being. By reframing our understanding of self-care to include small, everyday actions, we can alleviate some of the pressure associated with it. This shift allows individuals to cultivate a more sustainable and realistic approach to self-care, one that honors their unique needs and circumstances. Ultimately, the goal is to create a consistent practice that nurtures our well-being, rather than a checklist of tasks that contributes to feelings of guilt or inadequacy when not completed.

I am often met with surprise when collaborating with a client to establish a self-care routine. Frequently, clients explain why they lack such a practice, only to realise that their "reasons for not having a self-care practice" actually constitute their self-care routine. For instance, a client once outlined a list of self-care activities/practices they intended to implement, but in the following session, they informed me that they had not completed it due to illness. Instead, they focused on ensuring adequate sleep, nutrition, and hydration. They eliminated certain dietary triggers and chose not to read because they were too tired and had headaches, opting to rest instead. I posed the question: "So, you didn't engage in self-care because you were taking care of yourself, which is, in fact, self-care?" This led to a shared moment of amusement and pride as the client understood that self-care inherently involves taking care of oneself and doing what is necessary to feel better.

The approach I use when inviting my clients to consider creating a self-care practice is to consider all the things that you are finding stressful and to see if there were any ways to eliminate or reduce the stress. I always highlight that self-care is unique and each plan will be different, it is also fluid and requires ongoing self-reflection , as highlighted in the example above - it changed when illness presented.

If you would like to understand more about how self-care could support you to navigate your world or help to create a self-care plan that is tailored to your life and goals, perhaps consider booking in for a few sessions of individual counselling. Remember Self-Care is best when used as a prevention strategy. Therapeutic counselling to create your Self-care plan may be just the focus you need.