Healing from Family Violence Counselling

Navigating the Complex Journey of Healing from Family Violence

Healing from family violence takes time and considerable effort. It's exhausting, and just like dealing with any form of grief, it's not a straightforward process, there are waves of emotions that surface at any given moment, often for years after you are safe. I say this not to scare you but to validate your experience, as I am sure you are feeling that exhaustion already. In saying that there is a thriving life waiting for you.

Healing from family violence is a grief process as well as an identity crisis, a deep yearning to understand what happened and who am I?  You mourn the dreams and hopes you had for the relationship. You grieve for the person you were before the violence happened. You feel the loss of that part of your life, time you wont get back, opportunities you may have missed. There may also be a grief for relationships that were damaged due to the family violence, the damage to your reputation, the needing to change how you live to stay safe and perhaps keep others safe. There is a considerable amount to process, and at times, we require assistance to rediscover ourselves and adapt to the new individuals we have become, as it is impossible to revert to the person we were before experiencing family violence. This transformation carries both positive and negative aspects and necessitates thoughtful processing to effectively navigate the associated challenges.

Family Violence is not something everyone understands, you may have been faced with questions that feel as though you were to blame - "why didn't you leave?", "how could you have put your children through that?", "how did you not know what they were like?", or statements that discredit your experience - "oh but they always seem like a lovely person", "they have never acted like that in front of me", "Are you sure you are not being overly sensitive, I'm sure it was a joke or a misunderstanding" and the list goes on and on. Having a counselor who recognises that family violence is a systemic issue affecting anyone—often so gradually that the person may not notice until it becomes life-threatening or unbearably uncomfortable—can provide a safe space for you to reconnect with yourself and may aid in your healing from family violence.

Family violence is not limited to our intimate relationships, it can be violence we experienced as children or adults (in our birth family or other eg. foster, adopted etc.), by siblings, parents or other relatives people in position of family. It can be violence perpetrated by our adult child. There are many variations to family, therefore there are many variations to family violence. There is also no time limit on when you heal, it is common for example that parents start to notice the impact their childhood has on their present parenting and seek help to heal from childhood Family Violence.

Safety is vital for healing. If you are in danger, or need support to escape your situation please reach out to local services in your area.

Here in Melbourne we have; (not limited to)

SafeSteps Family Violence Response Centre - 24/7 support for victorians ,

The Orange Door,

Respect Victoria (this site has many services listed that are specific to your situation eg. elderly, indigenous, LGBTQIA+)

and of course when in immediate danger please call the POLICE - 000.

When is it worth considering if Family Violence Healing Counselling is right for you?

My thoughts are, if you are in the stage where you are starting to question if you are in a family violence situation. You may be starting to feel disconnected to yourself, perhaps your life isn't as you expected and you feel that you are unable to get back to your goals and dreams, you may feel that you are living someone elses life, one you are not comfortable in. You may be feeling unheard, or misunderstood. In this stage it may be about finding yourself and understanding who you are in your relationship. It may be to find your voice and how to express yourself in your relationship. We may work to build your confidence and to unlearn some of that conditioning that you hadn't realised was influencing your choices. It may be that the relationship is not violent and you have room and support to grow. OR it may be to help you resource and plan a safe escape with the help of a support network you build and organistations that are available and funded to support you .

Embracing the Uncharted Journey After Establishing Safety

The other ideal time is once you have established safety in your new life. When you have landed and don't feel on your feet just yet, perhaps you still feel uncertain about your identity, the journey that brought you here, and the direction you wish your life to take now that you feel secure and in control. This phase, often perceived as the final finish line, is actually the starting point as well. The path ahead is uncharted. It can be a time where we stand still and have no idea what to do next. This unfamiliarity arises because, after focusing intently on escaping, we often find that we haven't planned for life beyond that escape, as all our energy was dedicated to achieving safety rather than thriving afterwards.

Take the Next Step

If you have experienced family violence and seek a safe, non-judgmental environment to heal and process your experiences, Healing from Family Violence Counselling may be the ideal solution for you. My counselling sessions are client-led, allowing us to progress at a pace that suits you. We utilise approaches tailored to your evolving needs and goals. Initially, you might wish to debrief and discuss your experiences. As we progress, you may choose to focus on self-care, self-compassion, goal setting, and goal mapping. Eventually, you might explore earlier life experiences and work on unlearning ingrained conditioning. Then we may acknowledge and celebrate as you stand firmly in that knowing that you are amazing and living a life you feel connected to and joy in.