Family Violence - What to expect as you heal
- Kirsten
- Feb 16
- 5 min read
Understanding the Healing Journey after Family Violence
Starting the healing journey after experiencing family violence can be a challenging process. It involves emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical recovery. For those of us who've been on this journey for sometime we can look back at how far we've come, but for those just starting out on the healing journey it can feel overwhelming and confusing, so I thought I'd share some steps that you may find helpful, keeping in mind everyones experience is different and our journey's are unique.
Acknowledge the Experience
Recognising that you have experienced family violence is a crucial first step. Embrace the emotions tied to this experience, whether it's anger, sadness, or fear. Often, it's only when we find safety that we can truly reflect on and comprehend the impact family violence has had on us. It's not unusual to mistakenly blame yourself—wondering what role you might have played in the situation, questioning if you're exaggerating the experience, or feeling that you're too sensitive and overreacted. I often share this emotion wheel so that my clients can start to recognise their emotions and how they vary throughout the healing process (and always, we are human - emotional beings, after all).
Settle into Feeling Safe
It can take time to feel safe, in the beginning you may be waiting for something to happen, you may struggle to sleep and feel relaxed, engage in the everyday things. The neuroscience behind feeling safe after enduring prolonged family violence is intricate and rooted in the brain's trauma response. When individuals face continuous violence, their brains become conditioned to constantly monitor for threats, resulting in increased anxiety and hyper-vigilance. This is mainly due to the activation of the amygdala, which is responsible for processing fear and emotional reactions. Shifting to a state of safety takes time because the brain needs to adjust its threat detection system. The good news is that we know this is possible, neuroplasticity allows for the creation of new neural pathways, enabling individuals to relearn how to feel safe, though this process is gradual. Supportive environments, therapeutic interventions, and positive experiences are crucial in facilitating this transition, helping to gradually diminish the brain's conditioned fear responses and cultivate a sense of security.
Build a Support System
After experiencing family violence, social groups and family dynamics often undergo significant changes. You may feel isolated and withdraw from social circles due to rejection, disagreement, shame, fear, or stigma, leading to a breakdown in previously supportive relationships. Trust issues can arise, not only within the immediate family but also with extended family and friends. Additionally, the roles within the family may shift, with some members taking on new responsibilities or adopting a protective stance, while others may become distant or disengaged. This transformation can create a cycle of emotional turmoil, affecting the overall mental health and stability of the family unit and its ability to function cohesively in the community. Some ways to navigate this might be;
Family and Friends: Reach out to trusted individuals who can provide emotional support, plan catch ups or accept invitations.
Community Resources: Utilise local groups, hotlines, or organisations that assist those healing after family violence.
Focus on Self-Care
Self-care plays an important role in the healing process. It encompasses a range of practices that nurture physical, emotional, and mental well-being, allowing you to rebuild your sense of self and regain control over your life. Engaging in self-care helps to reduce stress, promote resilience, and foster a positive self-image, which are essential components in overcoming the trauma associated with family violence. Moreover, prioritising self-care can create a safe space for you to process your experiences, seek support, and establish healthy boundaries. Ultimately, by investing time and energy into self-care, you are cultivating a foundation for healing, empowerment, and a brighter future. I have written more about Self-Care here.
Physical Health: Engage in activities that promote physical well-being, such as exercise, nutrition, and sleep.
Mental Health: Practice mindfulness, meditation, or journaling to process your thoughts and feelings. Socialising with safe people, reconnecting to hobbies and activites you enjoy.
Set Boundaries
Learn to set healthy boundaries with people in your life. This includes limiting or cutting off contact with those who may harm you. And also saying YES to you more. I have a blog post about Boundaries here.
Take Your Time
Healing is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and recognise that it's okay to have setbacks. Practice self-compassion, you can read more about why Self-Compassion is so important in healing here
Create a New Routine
Establishing a new daily routine can help create a sense of normalcy and stability in your life. Routines provide structure, allowing you to regain control over your daily activities and foster a sense of predictability in an otherwise chaotic environment. Engaging in regular activities, such as exercise, work, or social interactions, can promote emotional well-being and reduce feelings of anxiety or fear. Furthermore, routines can facilitate the development of healthy coping mechanisms, encouraging you to focus on self-care and recovery. By incorporating positive habits into daily life, you can gradually rebuild your confidence and resilience, paving the way for a healthier future. Realising that you can provide, support and care for yourself is pretty empowering.
Celebrate Small Victories
Recognise and celebrate your progress, regardless of its size. Every step forward is a triumph on your healing journey. You've got this. While there will be ups and downs, and both good and bad times, with safety, support, and a plan, you will continue to grow and heal. Celebrate each step along the way. My friend Katie's poem captures this beautifully.
Journal Prompts
Where do you feel you are on your healing journey?
How do you feel? Can you describe the feelings within the body and perhaps link them to an emotion using the emotions wheel?
Does your Self-Care plan need a little update?
Have you set a new boundaries?
What does Self-Compassion mean to you, and how do you practice Self-Compassion?
What are you re/introducing into your life that you hadn't done for a while? Hobby? exercise routine?
What are some small victories you could celebrate?
Taking the Next Step
Starting the healing journey after family violence is a personal and unique process. By taking these steps, you can begin to reclaim your life and foster a sense of empowerment and resilience. If you would like to know more about how I may be able to support you on this journey, you can book a 15 minute Connection Call where we can get to know each other and I can answer your questions.
